Last year I wrote about being a parent to a child with the Hirschsprung’s disease. Here’s the link Single Mom if you would like to read it.
Since the majority of my friends have kids & the guy that I talk to have kids I wanted to write about parenthood. When I had Jamar, I tried to stop doing things that I use to do. I try to chill with him and not bring a lot of different men around him. I love being a parent because you have this little person that sees nothing but greatness in you. Even when you don’t see it in yourself. They make you want to do better and not just mediocre. I knew when I was pregnant I wanted to give my all in this motherhood. I thought it was really going to be a breeze. I was just thought that if I do things the “right” way he would be the best kid. Give him things that I didn’t have as a child (not materialistic). But not knowing what exactly is the “right” way.
I think we don’t talk about the dark side of parenthood. How sometimes being a parent can be frustrating whether you’re a man or a woman. I don’t know if its just me, but sometimes you feel like the world is caving in. Being a single mom you can’t slow down if you do it’s like your slacking on responsibility. Every job or even decision I make I have to see how does this benefit, my son. If you’re a mom, you may feel that a dad doesn’t do as much as you do. Or a dad, you may feel the mother of your child is being “dramatic”. Either way, a child was created & you have a common ground.
I know when Jamar was born and was diagnosed with his condition I was really hard on myself which grew into depression. Here is this small baby going through all of these things. I felt as if this was my fault. “Did I not take my prenatal pills in time”. “That appt I canceled, maybe I should’ve gone to”. I felt like I was so low, like the bottom of the barrel. I didn’t have a job, I was living in my aunt’s basement. I felt like I wasn’t being the best parent I can be. One night I thought & tried to execute suicide. Thankfully it didn’t work and I am still here.
Parenthood is not all easy. I know a lot of my friends, as well as myself, find ourselves crying in the shower or in the closet. Just trying to figure out if we doing this shit right. Are teaching them to be polite. Are they speaking up for themselves? Learning not to be in denial about things or situations. When my son started school, he was behind on the learning scale. Instead of waving it off, I proceeded with getting the help my son needed. Now he is slowly but surely getting back on track.
I never knew how much work it was to make sure a child has all the tools they need for life. More so you can never be ready. I am also teaching myself the older my son gets I have to step back and let him do things on his own. Being a parent now, I kind of understand why my dad left my sister and me with my aunts & grandmothers. Finally, the older I get, the older I know MENTAL ILLNESS THERAPY IS A MUST. It’s okay to take a break from being a parent and relax.
Parenthood is the hardest job on the planet. You are instilling knowledge of the world into a little human. But knowing this person will realize all the work you’re doing to make sure they’re ok is wonderful.
Comment on your hardest part of being a parent and how you’re overcoming it.