I think lately around the holiday season I get down in the dumps. But this year I tried not to let my sadness get the best of me. Doing so, I decided to even put my Christmas tree up way before Thanksgiving. Thinking that if I wake up to a tree in the middle of my front room something magical would happen. Unfortunately, this did not work. Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for health, family and all that jazz. I want it to be shown on the outside as well as internal. I think that adulthood slapping well punching the shit outta me has made it not better either.

I think when you are a kid you just enjoy the company of your cousins. Especially cousins that you don’t see on an everyday basis. Not thinking about eventually you are going to grow up and the bonds will maybe fade away. Why do you think that is??? I know this year my family suffered some tough blows and you would think that would bring us together but actually, it didn’t. For the most part, it pulled us away.  I remember my sister Nunu, cousin Della, and auntie Mia used to be thick as thieves. Now they barely speak to each other. I remember I used to be so close to some of my cousins & now I barely hear from them. Maybe the elders in our family are not here, sometimes people grow & just grow apart.

Walk with me…. Read with me as I take you back to holidays past…….

Every family holiday event the house was so packed and full of laughs and jokes. Kids were in one area, the teens were in the other and adults were EVERYWHERE. Usually, my sister and I would have to separate our times between my mom’s side of the family and my dad’s side. But it didn’t feel like a problem because we were pretty used to it. We would go to my granny house (mom side) & everyone was there. From my uncle Derrick, my uncle Robert, and since my brother lived with his dad he would come over. My grandma Dottie would be done the cooking and everyone would be in the front room watching whatever sports game that was on. Oh yeah and some V103 would be playing. After my sister & I would be at my grandmother’s house for a minute we would go to my auntie Vern’s house (dad side). My auntie Vern use to have a two flat building and it used to be straight up cracking. Kids would be running around and some of my aunts would be in the kitchen cooking kids plates. And the rest would be at the table playing cards for money of course. I just felt the love that was amongst my family & I.

Thinking about the present, things aren’t the same as they use to on my mom and dad side. Sadly my Uncle Robert and Derrick aren’t here. And my Uncle Mike and granny sadly don’t talk. My uncle Gee gee doesn’t come out either. My sister and I live not as close to Chicago as we want to be me. So that makes it hard for us to come to holiday events. Also, on my dad’s side of the family, I think its deep-rooted issues that they can’t get over. Another thing is its beefing within our family now. Most of look at what the others are doing and not what we are doing. Individuals criticize others on how to raise their children. Or sadly the vibe is not the same anymore.

I know I want to have the holidays that I had as a kid for my child. Not to think negative, but I know it won’t happen. To be honest my son won’t know half of his cousins and I do feel some type of way. But I am going to try to make the best of our traditions that I am making with him.

Comment below to tell me how has your holidays changed