In the words of Lil Kim ” I been gone for a minute now I am back with the jump-off”. I know that I haven’t been writing for a while & to be honest I have been insecure. Insecure about my writing topics as well as still catching the reader’s attention. Then it came to me, peeling off the layers. The layers of insecurities, self-esteem, and lack of confidence. Us being ladies or even men, we all have something that we don’t feel the best about. In order for you to get through something, you have to admit what your layers are and try to peel them off. So you can feel better as a person or so it won’t stop your blessings. I wanted to shine a light on the three layers that I am currently or have peeled off.
1. The fear of loving someone and NOT getting loved in returned: Clearly everyone knows that I am a single mother. Eventually I would want more children, but with the right man. I do want to be married or even in a stable relationship. Just the way our generation is set up, I don’t think that will happen. Everyone wants to be loved or feel that love with a person. But what if that person don’t feel that way or is just playing around. I want to be able to come home and lay with my best friend or be able to talk to “MY GUY” about anything. I see all of my friends happy with a person that they truly love and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder when or if God will send me my husband.
– I had to realize that what God has for me it is for me. My time is going to come one day, but until then continue to work on SELF. Continue to be happy for my friends and family. Acknowledging that it is okay to be alone. Keep pushing to become the best person, mother, friend, etc I can be. Then again,maybe God has sent my husband but HE is not ready yet. But I know if its meant to be it will be.
2. I am so afraid that I won’t be successful: Every since I have been a little girl, I wanted the finer things in life. I have always wanted to live comfortable. I really want this blog to blossom. Trying to have a career in the major I went to school for (communications). I have seen my aunts, & grandparents live from pay check to pay check and I didn’t want that in my life. I want to own a successful business, own a home. I want to be stable and feel stable, to be able to pay for my sons college without him being in debt. I want to be able to sit at the table and eat, not be under catching crumbs. It’s said that America is the land of golden opportunities, and I want to be able to experience it.
– Understanding that God will not put nothing on you , that you can’t handle. Knowing that something so precious & close to my heart will not be made overnight. I heard a quote ” the quicker you rise to the top, the quicker you may fall”. Keeping my eyes on the goals that I want to achieve, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop me.
3. Not liking the skin that I am in: After having my son, I gain a pretty much amount of weight. Going shopping, I really was/am self-conscious about my body. Wanting to know if everything is fitting in the right places. Or if the clothes don’t make me look bigger than what I am. Knowing that I may not be able to wear a size 7-9 anymore. Making sure that when I leave the house, I am pretty enough in the eyes of society or even my peers.
–Still learning and noticing, that if you don’t like something, YOU have the power to change it. To hell with society & knowing that each person is beautiful in their own way . Realizing that we may not always be attractive to someone and that’s okay, life goes on. Knowing if you don’t like my size or the way I look then you don’t have to fuck with me AT ALL. Because in the end, that’s YOUR problem not mine!!!
We all have things that we are insecure about, and things we need/want to work on. Comment below and share what you are insecure about and what you are doing to change it.